O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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