like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
