How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
