is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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