Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
