I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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