She is in my trunk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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