I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
