so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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