He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you had me at cake vodka
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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