i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
