You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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