She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
