And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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