i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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