how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
And then he peed in my hair
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