I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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