so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
