You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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