Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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