I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
