good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
