Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
vagina is talking i cant
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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