It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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