how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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