Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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