its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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