There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
