it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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