I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
