Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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