Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
