morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
