also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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