it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
