I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She's JV to your varsity
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
