Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Too much gin, very little bucket
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
