So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if only i could text you this smell
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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