Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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