You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
