Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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