I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
