So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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