Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
