My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
