Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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