You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
