I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
