Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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