Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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