I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
